JR Ott Charter Member

New mini petrol engine By JOHN SCOTTSCIENTISTS have built the smallest petrol engine - tiny enough to power a WATCH. The mini-motor, which runs for two years on a single squirt of lighter fuel, is set to revolutionise world technology. It produces 700 times more energy than a conventional battery despite being less than a centimetre long - not even half an inch. It could be used to operate laptops and mobile phones for months on end - doing away with the need for recharging. Experts believe it could be phasing out batteries in such items within just six years. The engine, minute enough to be balanced on a fingertip, has been produced by engineers at the University of Birmingham. Dr Kyle Jiang, lead investigator from the Department of Mechanical Engineering, said: "We are looking at an industrial revolution happening in peoples' pockets. "The breakthrough is an enormous step forward. Devices which need re- charging or new batteries are a problem but in six years will be a thing of the past." Other applications for the engine could include medical and military uses, such as running heart pacemakers or mini reconnaissance robots. At present, charging an ordinary battery to deliver one unit of energy involves putting 2,000 units into it. The little engine, because energy is produced locally, is far more effective. One of the main problems faced by engineers who have tried to produce micro motors in the past has been the levels of heat produced. The engines got so hot they burned themselves out and could not be re-used. The Birmingham team overcame this by using heat-resistant materials such as ceramic and silicon carbide. Professor Graham Davies, head of the university's engineering school, said: "We've brought together all the engineering disciplines, both materials, chemical engineering, civil engineering, and mechanical engineering. "What better place to have the second industrial revolution - in nano-technology - than where the first took place, in the heart of the West Midlands."

Transferred to California

Roy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.

The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey, guy, what's the problem?" Roy asked.

"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered.

"There are crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," Roy interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Roy, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."

>> These three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and >>wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the >>morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night >>before >> >> >> The first one, a brunette, is strapped in the electric chair, >>and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from the >>Baylor School of Divinity, and I believe in the almighty power of >>God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the >>switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this >>woman to die, and they let her go. >> >> The second one, a redhead, strapped in and gives her last >>words, "I am from the University of Arkansas School of Law and I >>believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the >>innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. They >>figure that the law is on this woman's side, so they let her go. >> >> >> The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a >>Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now, you >>ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect those two wires >>right there."

The old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the US government official

sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" the official began, "you have observed

the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and

his material wealth. You have seen his progress and the damage

he has done."

The chief nodded that this was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute,

and then calmly replied, "When white men found the land,

Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo.

Plenty beaver. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night making

love to women.."

The chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough

to think he could improve system like that."

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and

stomped them flat. "Well, that might be OK in California and Oregon

but we're not having any of that shit in Texas

An old man lived alone in Florida. He wanted to spade his tomato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a reply;

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Bubba

At 4 AM the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

The old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. ; Love, Bubba

Try this link:

http://www.zorstec.net/copperfield.htm

Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world.

While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move til I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!

You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency

124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206".

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird

206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Subject: First Year Med Students

The Finger

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention

DID YOU KNOW? > > As you walk up the steps to the Capitol Building which houses the > Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the >world's > law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing > forward with a full frontal view - it is Moses and the Ten >Commandments! > > As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors > have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door. > As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above >where >the > Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments! > > There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal > Buildings and Monuments in Washington, DC > > James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our > Constitution" made the following statement "We have staked the whole > of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for > self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern > ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to > the Ten Commandments of God." > > Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said, > "It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great > nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on >religions > but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ." > > Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, > whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777. > > Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the > established orthodox churches in the colonies. > > Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their > authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law.. > ..an oligarchy....the rule of few over many. > > The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said, "Americans > should select and prefer Christians as their rulers." > > How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done > for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and >unconstitutional? > > Please forward this to everyone you can. Lets put it around the world > and let the world see what this country was built on.

Subject: FW: Patriotism never felt so good.

maybe you already seen this

> > > > -----MARK YOUR CALENDARS ! > > > > > > > > > > > > We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman other > > > > than > > > > his wife naked and that he must commit suicide if he does. So this > > > > Sunday > > > > at 4:00 PM Eastern time every American woman is asked to walk out of >her > > > > house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. > > > > Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this >anti-terrorist > > > > effort. > > > > > > > > Every man is to position himself in a lawn chair in front of his house > > > > to > > > > prove he is not Taliban and to demonstrate that he thinks it's okay to > > > > see > > > > nude women other than his wife and to show support for all American > > > > women. > > > > And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold >six-pack > > > > at > > > > your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. > > > > > > > > Homeland Security appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and > > > > applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God >bless > > > > America! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON.

Subject: Fw: Great Ears!

Great Ears

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!" Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin, no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me!!!"

Subject: Tickle Me Elmo

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports

> for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there

> is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the

> assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new

> employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line

> is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule. >

> The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so

> the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the

> line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the floor and

> they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the

> new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of